Posted 4 years ago

Lame, lame, lame

Some of the lamest jokes of all time!

What do massage therapists eat for dinner? Spa-ghetti.

Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

Whats blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!

Why was the chicken happy? Everything was eggcellent.

What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage.

Why do fish live in saltwater? Pepper makes them sneeze.

What’s the strongest bird? A crane.

What insect is good at math? An account-ant.

What wobbles as it flies? A jelly-copter.

Now for one of my favorite:

What happened to the wooden car made of wooden wheels and a wooden engine?

It wooden go!!!

Haha! If you have any other lame (or great) joke submit them here. :)

Posted 4 years ago

Magic Mirror

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think…’ and it sucked her in.

Posted 4 years ago

Mass Quotes

  • Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
  • You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
  • I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
  • It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
  • Strangers have the best candy.
  • Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.
  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
  • Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  • If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
  • Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you’re up to.
  • Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.
  • There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel…just hope it’s NOT a train!
  • I’m not littering… I’m donating to the earth.
  • If it doesn’t fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
  • If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
  • Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
  • If it weren’t for Edison, we’d be watching TV by candlelight.

Hehe :)

Posted 4 years ago

Wanna Help?

We need help! While we are busy trying to create the worlds best collection of jokes and stories EVER we still need help in doing this. So thats why were calling on people just like you to help us.

Ways you can help:

Submit your jokes! Really, this is one of the best ways to help. You can also submit quotes or stories.

Spread the word! Re-blog our posts! This way even more people will hear about us and therefore well get even more halarious stuff submited!

And finally… we are looking for more people to help with the admin side of things. If you are interested in moderating content, finding halarious stuff or becoming an admin of loljokes then message us OR submit a content saying your interested. You will get full control over the blog.

Thanks for your help! Content will continue as normal tommorow :)

BTW, Im writing this by candlelight, the electricity is out.

Posted 4 years ago

Chuck Norris

  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris isnt even funny. Stop laughing.

Got your own Chuck Norris facts? Submit them here.

Posted 4 years ago
I hate quotes!
Hans Zipper
Posted 4 years ago

Funny Convo

  1. Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
  2. Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
  3. Mary: But peter! How could you say that? I love you! I would die for you?
  4. Peter: Really? How soon?
  5. Mary: Peter! Say you love me, please? Say you love me!
  6. Peter: You love me...Nah kidding... Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
  7. Mary: Why not ??
  8. Peter: I'm broke.
Posted 4 years ago

Stupid thoughts

Some people have wayy to much time on their hands:

  • Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
  • If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
  • Why did she sell she shells on the sea shore when you can just walk down there and pick them up anyway?
  • If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later?
  • What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
  • Can crop circles be square?
  • If we had a president that was a woman, would her husband be the first man?
  • Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • If a wheel-chair clad person becomes a comedian, is it still called standup?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
    to look at things on the ground?
  • If pringles are ‘so good that once you start you cant stop’ then why do they come with resealable lids?
  • Is there anything easier done than said?
  • If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?

And thats all folks. Feel free to repost and as always submit your own jokes. loljokes.

Posted 4 years ago
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.
Chris Rock
Posted 4 years ago
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Maryon Pearson